| Yesterday was good.
Today had so much potential.
Tomorrow will be tenuous. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Tags: | epiphany | | Current Music: | The Fray :: How to Save a Life | | Subject: | Growing Pains | | Time: | 01:24 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/square/b/sad.gif) sorrowful |
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| I realized tonight that I have a lot of growing up to do. I've spent this year trying my best to do just that. I've tried to make some of you proud; I've tried to make some of you believe I was adult enough to be your friend. I've let many of you down. For that I apologize.
I felt stagnant as a developing person for a long time. I realize why that was: I was pushing myself into acting a certain way that wasn't me yet. I was doing and saying things on some sort of autopilot. I typically don't do well with things unless I understand the theory behind it.
Like calculus. I'll continue to do poorly in calculus unless I understand where the formulas and tricks come from. I can't regurgitate anything for long; it's never worked for me. Eventually my brain breaks down and I'll stop doing whatever it was I was regurgitating. And it'll land me in trouble. Tonight, that happened.
Instead of growing up, I regurgitated a more "adult" action. Not knowing what I did differently and backed into an old corner, I regressed and let myself get carried away; I snapped. It hurt someone I love dearly.
So I guess I'm writing this as an admission. I'm writing this as a mile-marker on my road of development. This is hopefully one place in my life I'll never have to look forward to see again.
( continued... ) | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| ( Geeks only )
Today was lack-luster. I can't wait until Wednesday of finals week has come!
This is a short post, not much introspection happened recently. I'll keep you posted. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I rolled my ankle today playing HvZ. Hardcore. Now, I'm gimped for the rest of the game, if not for much long after. So here's the plan: I'm a meatsack. I'm not going to try to attack/extraneously-defend myself anymore. School and my ability to transport my sorry buttocks between classes is much more important than this game. No more stupid paranoia or long-evasive-trips home. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | yasle | | Current Music: | [[Superbowl theme]] | | Current Location: | school | | Subject: | XLI | | Time: | 01:31 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/square/b/happy.gif) happy |
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|  vs 
WHO WANTS SOME?
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. It's that time of year again. When men forgo all their other obligations to watch the greatest game on earth: American FOOTBALL! That tried-and-true knock-down-drag-out beat-'em-up that millions of people watch and billions of dollars exchange hands for.
This year it's the Indianapolis Colts vs the Chicago Bears. Who the hell would have thought?! Certainly Vegas was sick and tired of seeing the AFC regular Patriots back in the proverbial ring. Instead, Tony Dungee and his AFC all-stars face Lovie Smith (Kind of a gay name; don't you think?) and the best-of-the-rest NFC.
Super Tecmo Bowl has determined the winner to be none other than( ... )
I think it's time to watch some beer commercial re-runs now...(Oh, and don't let me forget to videotape this year's GoDaddy ad; ok?) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| 5 Things You Didn't Know About Me:
- I strongly dislike the color combination of turquoise/orange. Oddly (and disappointingly) enough, those are my high school graduating class colors; thank you, Shane Finnin.
- I have a distaste for roller coasters, bungee jumping, and hang-gliding but would love to go sky diving; and I don't know why.
- I have well over $1000 in Lego's at home. And I have built my most recent model over this Christmas break; it comprises around 50-75 pieces and took over 28 hours to design and build.
- I believe the swallows really do return to Capistrano, someday Sylvester will catch Tweety, Wylie will catch the Road Runner, and we will all be thankful to Jack Bauer when Armageddon comes because he will kill the son of the devil, have sex with Lady Liberty, then have a cigarette and blow smoke in Jesus' face.
- I am Kaiser Soze.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Trading Yesterday - The Beauty and the Tragedy | | Current Location: | Caribou | | Subject: | A Little bit of Life | | Time: | 05:33 pm | | Current Mood: | good |
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| Wow, Pitt campus is dead when school's not in session. It's a wonder this place doesn't turn into a ghost town! Anyway, as you might expect, I'm back at Pitt awaiting the glorious (I do mean glorious) return! (B.t.w.: Caribou Coffee has good coffee & free wifi. You should check it out.)
Break wasn't bad, except that I didn't have internet the whole time. Talk about withdrawal syndrome, I was going nuts! On top of that, the home comp. is again infected with some really nasty mofo virus. Ugh! I can't keep fixing the dang thing every time I come home. Oh well, whatever. I'm going to do it for the rest of my life if I do IT work, so I better get used to it. (However, I'll get paid to do it when it's my job!)
I got the grades back: B, B, B-, C. Not the greatest, but definitely better than I thought I was gonna get in CS1550 & CS1501. I could have done better if I'd have taken them separately, and/or didn't have any other classes, but I'm not going to complain! I don't have to even think about those classes again!
So Wednesday begins the work-week, and I'll have more time since I'm not doing two programming courses at once. I'm so friggin' thankful for that. Now all I have to get through is CalcII (again) and Stat1000 (again). Eh, I'll make it. I can't do any worse than Constantine Zelatore & that witch from Stat. Wish me luck!
Happy new year, and take care,
Zack | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| What amazing revelations you can have at 2am! Ok, so I might be a little apnea-induced drunk, but take what you can get. I decided my mental exercises needed to be carried out in conversation, even if one-sided; so, here goes.
Women hold words over guys' heads. This isn't to say they literally shame us males that they're better with speaking; rather, it is to say that they have a higher capacity for manipulation of language. And, they use it. It's not for one-upmanship, that's too low for civilized people. It's just a fact, I think. I think men all too often resort to violence when they can't get their way because it is a means to an end; albeit not the greatest or most civilized one, it works. Because we know we can overpower women in at leat one arena, we prefer to challenge them there. Women, in civilized society, have had the advantage of language, and the protection of chivalry. This is to say 'civilized' men will not stand for extreme, unprompted abuse of the female kind; in fact, men found culturally guilty of domestic abuse are held in less high a regard as another man who has not trespassed this politically correct boundary. This, I insist, is a necessary requirement of civilized men and should be held sacred.
I step back and consider what it is to be 'civilized' in this moment. (Feel free to skip ahead.) Says Word 2003: "Enlighten, educate, advance, develop." Society is not civilized because we are more advanced; nor are we civilized because we are more developed. We are no more 'enlightened' than Copernicus was in his time. There have been no Great Revelations, no theophanies. Instead, what we can attribute our civilization (as verb) on is our education. We recognize that gender results from a flaw in the genetic makeup. Two X’s mean a girl, one Y for a guy. The male genetic chromosome collects more genetic flaws, and consequently will therefore incur the End of Man (and the Rise of Lesbians?).
We men have been so educated that women are our equal, in rights to own property, vote, and drink and be merry. This learning has yet since been left untied to how we look at the one last grotesquery of male attitude: savagery in dispute.
The task then becomes how to overcome this, and there are several solutions. There is the ostrich principle, and we can forget our worries and our strife; or, we can insist to take another hundred or so years to develop the attitude for change in our attitudes; or, finally, we can take action now and recognize what chivalry once brought us: civility (as in “to advance”).
I collect these thoughts at 3:17AM on Wednesday, the 20th of December. I consider my thought experiment only opened, possibly ready for discussion, and definitely nowhere near the end of my contemplation. I hope to dwell more on this at a later time, but aching eyes and promises need to be kept before slumbering. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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- CS1550: C
- CS1501: C/-
- Myth Symbol Ritual: B+
- Russian Fairy Tales: A/-/B+
- Philosophy: B+
So it's the end of Semester the Fifth, and the scores are being tallied. I'm ready to be done with both CS1501 and CS1550 for the rest of my life if I can help it. Needless to say if I get a C or above I'm NOT going to retake either of the damn classes.
Mom's coming tomorrow, 10:30 AM, so I gotta stay sober; otherwise I might just be piss-drunk off my rocker at this moment.
Otherwise, I'm ready for the two-weeks' break; I'll get to see family and not have to be distracted worrying about all kinds of schoolwork and projects and programs (other than ones I'll want to write) every other minute I have.
So I'll catch you all later, and I just might catch you while I'm at HOME!
//Zack
P.S. My heart is in Philadelphia... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 12:45 am | | Current Mood: | sleepless |
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| ( Last post of the day, I SWEAR )
Ok, now off to bed; BIG, HUGE, GINORMOUS, EFFING test @ 6PM...wish me all kinds of F-ing luck!
EDIT: Test went ok. Now I'm on to programming for that class and studying for everything else. Also, I learned that my philo papers aren't due Thursday like I originally thought,--they were due today--so now I get to do those by tomorrow evening! Yay! Ok, enough, time to get my butt back to studying! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Thorns of the Heart
I see you standing,
Rain in your hair.
I wonder why you're staring,
Off in the midnight air.
No one to hold,
No one to care.
No one to see,
The pain we share.
He cuts you so deep,
Then you bleed on me.
You run to my bed, my arms,
For the lovin' you need.
But it's the same old story.
You'll want him again.
But soon his wound will be
To deep for me to mend.
(c) 2005
To all the guys out there: tell your girl, this very moment, that you love her. Dry her tears, kiss her cheek, and bandage her wounds. Everyone needs to hear they're loved, that they're needed. Every little thorn you leave in your woman's heart will fester when unattended to. Love them softly.
To all the girls out there: tell your man you need him. You hide your wounds so well; we give you such great practice. But now is the time to do us a favor: speak up. Tell us where it hurts. Tell us the places we need to 'kiss and make better.' We love you so much we can't begin to say. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Bleed
Nothing is simple anymore
I've made it all so damn hard
I thought you could be the one
You thought that I'd come undone.
Now all I wanted was you,
Just for you to see me.
I thought we'd give it a try.
You thought that I should just die.
(Chorus)
Why won't you give us a try?
You won't even look at me!
You turn away when I cry,
You'd turn away if I bleed. (on verse 1: if I bleed X2)
So now I'm lying awake
Waiting for that phone to ring
It seems I'm only myself
When there's no reason to sing.
(Bridge)
Pick up the phone, because
Chorus
And I bleed, and I bleed, and I bleed!
You don't know, you don't care.
But I bleed, yes I bleed, yes I bleed!
(c)2004 Zack Douglas | | comments: Leave a comment |
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